Third Time Lucky??

Sooo… the Rapture came and went. I can’t help but feel a little disappointed that Jesus didn’t want me for a sunbeam, but at least I didn’t miss Doctor Who..

Apparently, Harold Camping from Family Radio got his dates wrong (again, like when he predicted the end in 1993).

As crestfallen followers of a California preacher who foresaw the world’s end strained to find meaning in their lives, Harold Camping revised his apocalyptic prophecy Monday, saying he was off by five months because the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21.

Weeelll… actually, that date isn’t convenient for me, Mr Camping. Any chance of you revising til saaaay… 2100???

Camping, who made a special appearance before the press at the Oakland headquarters of the media empire Monday evening, apologized for not having the dates “worked out as accurately as I could have.”

You know, I can accept being late for an appointment, or not getting the figures in your tax return quite perfect, but really, when your playing with important things like the end of life on earth, you could at least use a bloody calculator..

So where was Harold Camping when all his followers, who had made somewhere in the region of  $18.3 millionin donations to his Church got stiffed by the J-Man?

Camping, who predicted that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven Saturday before global cataclysm struck the planet, said he felt so terrible when his doomsday message did not come true that he left home and took refuge in a motel with his wife.

Nice.

Some of his followers were said to have sold their houses, cars etc. in preparation for their ascent into Heaven – Yes, I think that makes them a little gullible too, but it isnt my place to judge anyones faith or belief system. What did the prophet Harold Camping have to say to these folk?

Camping’s hands shook slightly as he pinned his microphone to his lapel, and as he clutched a worn Biblehe spoke in a quivery monotone about some listeners’ earthly concerns after giving away possessions in expectation of the Rapture.

Sorry, I have to interrupt there – ‘His hands shook slightly’ – SLIGHTLY???

I’d've been absolutely beside myself with terror at the prospect of addressing these faithful folk!

Family Radio would never tell anyone what they should do with their belongings, and those who had fewer would cope, Camping said.

“We’re not in the business of financial advice,” he said. “We’re in the business of telling people there’s someone who you can maybe talk to, maybe pray to, and that’s God.”

weelll.. that makes everything okay then, doesn’t it?

And what did Mr Camping say he’ll be doing until the next Apocalypse on October 21 2011?

The globe will be completely destroyed in five months, he said, when the apocalypse comes. But because God’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end on Oct. 21.

If I were him I’d be investing in a calculator, re-reading the bible and not holding my breath.

Third time lucky, eh?

Wallsend Man Finds Jesus In the Loo… (allegedly)

Wallsend Man Finds Jesus In A Bathroom Tile

FOLK find God in all manner of places, but retired shipyard worker Hylton Scholfield says he found Jesus in his loo.

The grandfather-of-eight says he was stunned to see the face of Christ staring up at him from his bathroom floor, at home in Wallsend, North Tyneside.

Others however, have struggled to see the vision, and some have even suggested the face looks more like William Shakespeare.

The Sunday Sun thought we would let you decide.

While the jury might be out on whether a holy apparition really has appeared on the tile, Hylton certainly isn’t taking any chances.

The former stock yard foreman was so taken with the vision, he pulled up the floor fitting and replaced it.

Far from being an avidly religious man Hylton says he only attends church for family occasions.

But that hasn’t stopped him being convinced by what he has seen.

Hylton, 62, said: “I put the tiles down in the bathroom a couple of years ago and thought nothing of them really.

“Then over the years, as I’ve been using the bathroom I started noticing this face. I’ve always had the imagination to make faces out in all kinds of things, but I was really convinced by this one.

“The first time it struck me who it looked like I just thought, ‘Jesus! It’s Jesus’.

“At first I thought it was just me, but then other people said they could see Christ too.

“I know people have found his face in all manner of places, like a slice of toast, so why not a bathroom tile? It will last longer at least.”

Hylton says he has no plans to get rid of his tile.

The longer he hangs on to it, the more time it gives those who struggle to see the face the chance of making it out. And plenty of folk have struggled so far.

Hylton said: “I realise not everyone can see it. It’s actually easier from further away.

“I think one of the mistakes people make is focussing on the dark colour in the tile. Most of the features in his face, are made up of the lighter colour.

“You can see his eyes, and nose, then his beard and long hair are both in the lighter colour.

“I might not be particularly religious but my son and his family are.

“The last thing I would want to do is offend anybody, or upset anybody. This isn’t a joke, I just know people find this sort of thing interesting.”

Those struggling to see the holy image are advised to find a classic version of Christ and stare at it for long periods, then go back to Hylton’s apparition.

If you still can’t see it, then it’s definitely just a bathroom tile.

I think it looks more like Barry Gibb…

I once had a bathroom tile that bore a striking resemblence to Anita Dobson, but it was just  Pariedolia…

“It’s awesome the way Christ reveals himself.”

From This Is Bristol

WHEN his next door neighbour called over the fence and told him Jesus had appeared in his back garden faithful church-goer Ron Sims first thought he was joking.

But when the pensioner caught a glimpse of the concrete barbecue his friend had knocked down six years before he couldn’t believe his eyes.

Mr Sims, 77, of Magpie Bottom Lane in Hanham, said: “When I saw it I just couldn’t believe the likeness.

“It’s such a strong image, it’s almost eerie.”

The image is formed by the remains of concrete blocks Mr Sims used to build an outdoor barbecue when he lived in the house 15 years earlier before he moved next door.

After Colin Laver bought the house he decided to knock the barbecue down but it was only recently that he noticed the image.

Mr Sims believes the image shows God was watching over him and his wife Joyce, 74, when they lived in the house.

“People will think we’re crazy but we’re Christians and it means a lot to us,” he said. “It’s awesome the way Christ reveals himself.”

Ahhh… Another pareidolia – I don’t think it looks that much like the accepted image of the Messiah though, I think it looks like a cross between Noel Edmunds and Peter Sutcliffe..